Everything you have gone through, are going through, will ever go through will always be under scrutiny from those onlookers in our lives, but they don’t really matter when you are able to lead yourself and cheer yourself on. The onlookers’ opinions only ring loudly when the voice inside agrees, and doubts and worries, and says, “see there is the evidence for how wrong I am – they know it too”.
Your inner cheerleader isn’t judge, jury or executioner… she is just the inner support system that silently pushes you on, saying it’s going to be alright.
As per usual I like to do a reflection of my year. So much wonderful things have happened for me and yet it has also been tinged with loss, nothing is ever all one thing. The birth of Noah completed our family in April. Whereas December saw my Grandad depart from this world. Two extreme sides of the coin, both co-exist at all times – joy + pain.
And there has been so much and more in between.
2021 hasn’t been without its lessons…
Every day is different, from one day to the next we can be up and down. With World Mental Health Day, we got to throw a spotlight on the fact that it’s okay to not be okay. But that wasn’t just yesterday – that’s a message for every day.
We all have mental health and to varying degrees we will all be affected by something in our lives that will have a detrimental effect on our mental health.
So if you’re struggling right now, it’s okay, it will pass and it may become your pivotal experience in your life. And when you’re in the storm it’s okay to not be okay.
Rarely will you question your purpose, your very existence, more so than when you’re trying to conceive, considering life itself is inherently in question. Therapists call this kind of life crisis an ‘existential crisis’. It comes with deep and profound impact on the psyche.
What we’re talking about is SHAME, and it’s deep rooted and insidious.
Shame is a powerful force with infertility. Shame is a powerful emotion on our psyche.
Shame says “I’m WRONG!” At my deepest core I am not right, I am not okay. And we don’t want people to see it, or to know it. Because we feel unworthy of love and belonging.
What we do to our physical bodies (what we eat, how much we exercise, even how much attention we pay to our posture) can impact our mental state either positively or negatively. Fertility/infertility exists within, and is influenced by, this complex interrelationship between our minds and our bodies.
It’s a fact that your body responds to the ways in which you think, feel, and act. Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and attitudes can affect, positively or negatively, your biological functioning. In short, your mind affects how healthy your bodies is – your fertility.
What if, by failing to treat the mind, you are reducing the effectiveness of fertility treatment outcomes?
It sounds strange doesn’t it… to be fearful of what might happen. But you’ve been doing this over and over again. What you don’t realise is that you are reliving the same experiences, so you are creating a predictable future.
Anticipatory anxiety is a term for when you feel overwhelmed by a fear of what might happen, even if it’s the kind of success we crave, like becoming pregnant. Our minds jump ahead to anticipate all of the things that could go wrong.